Right here.

THE GREASY COOK

How kind of you to call on me and ask for me to sing,
Though I fear my throat is much too dry for to do you any such thing. (hint)
But now you've bought me a pint of ale, I'll see what I can do,
And when I get to the choruses, then you must sing them too.
Oh-oh, [repeat last line]

I fell in love with a greasy cook and I'll tell you the reason why.
The reason that I fell for her is a fact I cannot deny.
It's because she had plenty of mutton pies, plum pudding and roast beef,
And when my belly was empty, she would give to me relief.

She invited me into her master's house, game supper for to take,
And I kindly did accept it all, all for my belly's sake.
And, when the supper was over, then she took the pantry keys,
And she stuffed my back pocket with butter and eggs. The other she stuffed with cheese.

Then we got down by the side o' the fire for a little cuddle, or more,
But then I heard her master coming a-rat-a-tat-tat at the door.
My pockets were stuffed with his butter and eggs. I didn't know where I could hide.
She pushed me into the fireplace and up the chimney I climbed.

Now, I hadn't been up there for very long when the fire was burning my legs.
The heat was melting my butter and cheese and likewise was toasting my eggs.
And, as the butterfat fell on the fire, it forced the flames for to flare.
The old man looked up the chimney and he swore the old devil was there.

So, he quickly went to the rooftop and he pissed down on my head,
And I went tumbling into the fire with my butter, my cheese and my eggs.
My trousers were all soaked with fat and they began to blaze,
So I tore them off and I ran outside and down the street I was chased.

Then children screamed and the dogs did bark and up went the windows all,
And all the old women cried out, "Well done" (or well hung?) as loud as they could call.
Now that's the end of my story and I hope I've not kept you too long.
We'll sing, "Good Luck to the chorus and will someone else sing us a song?"


Tune: The Lincolnshire Poacher