Bobert -

At our last WVA festival one of the better known (and slightly more eccentric) performers "played the keyboard" quite impressively. I suspect he probably pulled the springs out, but they made a very effective "rattle" somehwat akin to those fancy Spanish(?) things a little like a tambourine with no skin on 'em.

Now I don't know just what your definition of "perverted acts on a keyboard" might encompass; but someone bidding on your loved one might have something of the sort in mind.

Be aware that "rising to the top" in music/performance often demands that the performer observe an ethic somewhat outside the norm; and due allowance should be made in considering what actions and activities a bidder might have in mind. It might be just the thing your old lovely would want to do.

John