From the White Horse Folk Club in Beverley site:

Sammy Shuttleworth's Party

Old Sammy Shuttleworth of Lancashire

He gave a party, last neet.

All the lasses and the lads were there,

Bunged in the door hole, stuck reet!

The guests were fat and the house was small,

They got stuck in the entrance hall.

Owd Johnny Bugger got a tin of Vaseline,

He greased all the lobby and they all slid in.

Eeee! There were 'undreds on the door mat,

Eeee! There were 'undreds on the rug,

Eeee! There were dozens on the slop stone.

Little Polly Higgins went and tumbled down the plug,

Eeee. And we heard a woman screamin',

We saw some lace and naughty ribbons blue

And Aunt Maria sat on the fire

And went and burnt her Isle of Wight

And ee by gum we 'ad a right good do.

At the supper there were cow-heel stew,

Real devilled tripe and pigs' feet,

While they were gollopin' the slutch, it's true,

You could 'ave 'eard 'em, next street,

Eee what fun when old Aunt Ruth

Speared a pickled onion on her front tooth,

Eee by gum and the fun were rich

When we all started fightin' for the parson's snitch!

Eeee! There were kippers a la francais,

Eeee! and saucy little Sal

Eeee! she guzzled all the fishbones,

They stuck up her Manchester and Liverpool canal,

Eeee! she were coughin' and a splutterin'

We 'ad to send around for Doctor Drew

And all the lads they stood around

And watched the Doctor fillet her,

And ee by gum, we 'ad a right good do.



After supper there was dustman's knock,

Kissin' all the wenches was fine,

Owd Albert 'Iggins, the lazy lad

He started workin' overtime,

Owd Aunt May, tha knows what she did

She did an exhibition dance on the copper boiler lid,

The lid it bust and we heard a scream,

You couldn't see me poor owd Aunty May for steam,

Eeee! with her brand new evening dress on,

Eeee! there were little Polly Dwyer

Eeee! and some bugger threw a woodbine

Down her camisole and set her shuttlecocks on fire.

Eeee! and they put 'er out wi' water

Just when we'd all got a lovely view

So Albert 'Iggins got a match and set the lass on fire again,

And ee by gum we 'ad a right good do.

At the party there was lots of ale,

But we ran out of pots at 'alf time

Owd Uncle Albert used the chamber Po

And he said it tasted right fine,

Ee what fun when me Uncle 'Orace

Went and guzzled all the metal polish,

'E went black and started to cough

And the polish nearly polished Uncle 'Orace off.

Eeee! when we woke up in the mornin'

Eeee! we'd 'ad the time of all our lives,

Eeee! we were so enthusiastic

Other fellers toddled 'ome with other fellers wives

Eeee! and we thowt it all were champion,

But what that party was we never knew,

'Cos if it was a wedding a christnin' or a funeral,

Eee by gum we 'ad a right good do...