As requested, written around 1962:

Drunkard's Last Advice

I came back home on a Saturday night
I opened the door and I turned on the light
There stood the old lady with a rolling pin
She says You're drunk and you can't come in
Oh come on honey, it's late, I said
It's three o'clock, I want to go to bed
And if you be nice and you let me in
I swear to God I'll never drink again

About that time I was a 'gettin' sore
I grabbed the handle, gave a tug on the door
I sent the old lady flying with a spin
And I walked through the door with a great big grin
Now get in the kitchen and get there fast
The next word you say is going to be your last
And the next time you try to kick me around
I'm going to put you underground

She was standing in the kitchen, didn't say a word
About that time I start to lose my nerve
Her eyes lit up and her face turned red
And I began to regret what I said
She blacked my eye and she broke my jaw
She dragged me across the bedroom floor
She kicked me underneath the bed
And she left me there for dead

Now if you got a woman and she does you wrong
You're short and skinny and she's big and strong
Makes no difference what they say
You better let her have her way
When you're down at the bar you can flap your chin
But when you get back home you better tiptoe in
And if she meets you at the door you better treat her nice
That's a drunkard's last advice.... be nice
That's a drunkard's last advice

I still enjoy doing this song, flatpicking guitar.

It was one of Tom Paxton's favorite songs of mine back then, and he'd ask me to play it at Gaslight Cafe hoots.

Jerry