To the Ladye Sinsull, Mayne Colonie, Greetings:

My condolences on winning the recent auction, dear madam. I pray this triumph on your part will not prove too trying. My I recommend that while the object of your success is in your position, you keep doors and windows open throughout your domicile, weather notwithstanding, and strive with as many excuses as may come to your fertile imagining to spend much of your time out-of-doors, as I am convinced you will find it more salubrious; and further, that you under no condition invite or encourage this prize to engage in any motion or activity requiring the least modicum of dexterity, agility, or virility, being well informed that he not only lacks any degree of these virtues, but indeed will be put clearly at risk of breaking one or another part should he endeavour to exhibit them; nor accept any remonstrations, wiles, or persuasions to the contrary, for he clearly knows not his own sad limitations, and would fain have back the youth he once wasted, defying mere reality to raise its bitter face. Yet he must observe the constraints imposed on him by ravaging Time, as must we all, or stand not only into physical danger but the most disturbing moral hazard of defying the World in an unwarranted effusion of hubris. Do thou therefore treat sternly of him and admit none of the hanky-panky he will doubtless seek to induce upon you, out of respect for both your souls and his fragile mortal parts.

With kindest regards,

Sir Walter