OK, some more, from a flyer that was hanging around many offices around my firm:

These are things you shouldn't say at work.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
You sound reasonable... must be time to up my medication!
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
It might look as if I were doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy!
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Anyway, I've given you enough that you can probably find the rest of the sheet on the Internet, whence it likely came anyway. My personal fave is the medication one.