You're not far wrong, Tam. The secret door, which can only be opened by the secret password sung in an extremely silly voice, is, in fact, at the back of my wardrobe, hidden from public view by racks of bright shirts. This door leads you into the Land of Silly, the spiritual home of the Shirt Murderer.

It's a little known fact that the idea for "Alice Through the Looking Glass" was stolen from the book "Shirt Murderer Through the Wardrobe", which was, alas, banned from being published due to the establishment's fear of it inciting social unrest.