"The Collier's Wedding" (South Wales) just about beats the lot:


1. A Collier I be sir
And as you shall see sir
If you listen to me sir
        You'll laugh, I'll be bound
The whole of last summer
I works at the Cymmer
Along with great number
        Of chaps underground.
Tom Jones was my butty,
He works very purty
And sticks to his duty
The whole year around.

2. Tom Jones had a daughter
A beauty I thought her
To marry I sought her
        With fond words and tones
A sweet pretty woman
She strike me uncommon
So crummy and bloomin'
        You can't see her bones,
When first I come nigh her
Her name was Maria
Keziah Sophia
Ann Sarah Jane Jones.

3. I says, bold as a lion
Mr Harris, Mount Zion
You're a man I rely on
        To marry us two.
Tom Jones he is killing
His pig – the gel's willing
And I'll give you ten shilling
        The job for to do
Then like Shah Persian
For the sake of diversion
We'll go by the excursion
        To Cardiff right through.

4. When we stood in Mount Zion
Sarah burst out a-cryin'
As Harris was tyin'
        The true lovers' knot,
Mrs Jones of Llwyn Pia
Was standing there by her
Says she: Come Maria
        To cry you ain't ought.
I will make you turn yellow
And Bill Hughes Cwrtybella
Says she's caught a fellow
        As few girls has got.


5. Says old Morgan Jenkin:
Indeed I am thinkin'
It's dry without drinkin'
        So Tom drawed the beer;
The novel sensation
And great admiration
For my new relation -
        It made me feel queer.
But I hands round the glasses
And everyone passes -
First, drink to the lasses
        As custom is here.

6. Then friends and relations
All filled with impatience
They come from all stations
        The country around;
The Joneses, Bedwellty
There was there in plenty –
I think there were twenty
        As did there, abound
There was Jones, Abergwilli,
Jones Mawr of Caerphilly
Miss Jones, Kidwelly
        Among them was found.

7. Old Jones of Cwmamman
(He's keeping 'The Salmon')
With Jones of Brynamman
        Contented did sit;
There was Jones, Pontardawe,
Could drink up the Towy
If Jones of Sirhowy
        Would help him a bit.
The Jones from Hirwaun
And they from the Derwen
With the Joneses, Scyborwen
        Come after a bit.

8. I saw Jones of the Crumlin
He come in a-stumblin'
And fumblin'and grumblin'
        Because he was late;
Jones Cochin of Magor
And Jones of Tredegar –
This last was most eager
        To empty his plate.
Old Jones of the Blaina
His daughters Sabina,
Malvina, Selina,
        They sit there in state.

9. Young Jones of Blaencuffin
A good one for stuffin'
But he didn't drink nuffin
        Good Templar was he,
Mr Jones of Nantmelyn
(His mane is Llewellyn)
'Mong the ladies was dwelling
        As fine as might me.
While Jones, Pontymister –
He come with his sister!
We all could have kissed her –
Of course, except me.

10. There was Jones, Pontnewynydd,
And Jones of Trawsfynydd
And Jones of Maenmynydd
        With Jones of the Pant;
And Jones, Llety Shenkin
(A beggar for drinkin')
Came quietly slinkin'
        Along with his aunt,
And Mr Jones, Undy
All dressed up like Sunday –
For all that 'twas Monday
        And Jones, Abernant.

11. And Jones of Llandenny
With Jones Abergenny,
(A man among many)
        Was there at the feast;
And Jones of Rhiwderin
I heard him a-swearin'
His coat they was tearin'
        Some called him a beast;
Jones, butcher, Portskewett
He send us some suet
Very kind for to do it –
        I think so, at least.

12. James Jones, Abergorki,
He looked rather gawky
And smell rather smoky
        For a fireman is he;
Miss Jones, Cwmtillery,
And Jones Nantyderry
Was both very merry
        For sweethearts they be.
But I couldn't help thinkin'
That Jones of Tirfilkin
Didn't ought to be winkin'
        So slyly at she.

13. But Jones of Blaenavon
A row he was havin'
With Jones of Cwmavon –
        A thing I can't bear.
'Tis not my intention
All the Joneses to mention
Nor ask your attention
        To all that was there;
There was dozen and dozen
And all of them cousin –
And some there that wasn'
        It made me quite stare.

14. When dinner was over
        The table uncover
And draw up together
        The toasts then come on;
And Cwmshilly Madoc
He gave us Caradoc
And Evan, Llangattock
        Tunes up with Llwyn On.
Mr Thomas, Siloam,
He gave us a poem
He made up at home –
        It were twenty verse long.

15. Then a bard, name of Leon,
He sing a sweet glee on
The town of Caerleon –
        That city so fair;
But William Massaleg
The bard of Bassaleg
Did swear with the Palleg
        No place could compare,
But Davies Llandeilo
He pull off his highbrow
And vow he shall lay low
        This great bardic pair.

16. Among these confusions
I lose the profusions
Of bardic effusions
        No doubt of great worth;
The Jones of the Beaufort
To stop their discomfort
A loving cup offered –
        And Jones of Llanbarth
Says 'Indeed it is hard if
We can't bear a bard if
He comes up from Cardiff,
        Hugh Jones of the Garth.

17.Who then, 'mong the jingling
Of glasses was minglin'
Sweet sounds in an englyn
        On the tuneful sea shore
So we kept on a drinking
And singing like winking
While the bottles was sinking
        Some calling for more.
But Jones the great druid
He took down the fluid
Until he got screwed
        And sank to the floor.

18. Jones, Mynyddislwyn,
Took kind to the brewin'
But drink was his ruin
        And soon laid him low –
Jones of Ystalyfera
Made faces at Sarah
And say he can't bear her
        So I catched him a blow
And then there was some fighting
Which some folks delight in
Never see such a sight in
        E'en sweet Nantyglo.

19. Tom Jones with a poker
Indeed he's no joker
Knocked down that old soaker
        John Morgans, Cwmbran;
And now from the swilling
He turned to a milling
And very near killing
        Both woman and man.
In comes the constable
He hardly was able
But he jumps on the table
        And to speak he began;

20. Mr Jones of Llanwrtyd,
Your clothes is much dirtied
And I fear that you're hurted
        By rolling about;
And indeed, it is certain,
Mr Jones of Llanmartin
You had better be startin'
        Away from this rout
But Jones of Llanmartin
He's big and he's bony –
I'm sorry to own he
        Wouldn't let him go out.

21. Then the whole of the women
Rushed forward a screamin'
Bobby see them a-comin'
        And cut for the door;
The timely occasion
Caused by his invasion
Did bring some cessation
        And peace did restore;
Then Jones of Penydarren,
Says; 'Shut up your sparrin'
I'm sore from the warrin'
        So I'll just take a snore'.

22. My wife with Selina,
Miss Jones of Blaina
Went off, and to join her
        I quickly prepare;
So I stand up before all
And says, very moral,
I hope you shan't quarrel
        If I am not there
Indeed I am thinkin'
With sleep my eye's winkin'
So please, Mr Jenkin,
        Do you take the chair.

23. So I left my companions,
A rare lot of funny 'uns,
A-singing englynions
        Without more excuse
For my dear little woman
So crummy and bloomin'
Was a-waiting my comin' –
        Not an instant to lose,
But soon I was nigh her,
My darling Maria
Sophia Keziah
Ann Sarah Jane Hughes.

Collected by Mick Tems.