Hi dude,

It's nice. I agree it needs some finetuning, though. I'd say most is in the meaning of the lyrics. Try using the words as ordinary text: Picture the situation this cowboy is in, and then speak, write, or think (aloud) all those words (depending on whether he's speaking, writing or thinking). Then check first that everything makes sense that way, and second what words should stay together when sung.

I know that sounds obvious, but it's a very simple mistake to have words on each musical strophe without them fitting together properly.

I hope that helps, but feel free to pm me for clarification,
                                                                  Mysha