Us Woodchucks determined that "Kingdom Coming" could not be performed without offending most audiences, but it was too important a song, from the standpoint of melody, to abandon. So we rewrote it from scratch. Now it should only offend a few audiences:
TWO BELOW (Lyrics: Kristina and Peter Cady Melody: "Kingdom Coming," Henry Clay Work)
Now Old Man Winter's comin' round here With his cold and frosty face. The ice and snow lie on the ground here And we're like to freeze in place
The fuel truck's stuck hard in the driveway And my nose is red and sore But I know that we'll get out alive, be- Cause we've been through this before
We're splitting wood, you see (hee, hee) We're thawing pipes, you know (ho, ho). And it must be that the springtime's coming 'Cause it's up to Two Below.
The old wood stove out in the kitchen, Well, it seems to work real good. But when the cats move closer, bitchin' Then it's time to add more wood.
And when that baby's really roaring, And the pets are sprawled out flat Then we never watch the dial, that's boring - We just check the Thermocat!
(Chorus)
One morning I got up to piddle, And the toilet wouldn't flush. Then I knew the water in the middle Of the pipes had turned to mush.
So I went dirty, and began to mutter But I got wet after all When the ice dam let go in the gutter And came sliding down the wall.