The Duchess Of Kent

The mayor and his click held a meeting, a proposal were put to the board
That a letter be sent to the Duchess of Kent to open a new hospital ward
The alderman had a collection to acquire the mayor's chain out of pawn
And a note was sent round to the heads of the town saying collars and ties must be worn

The flags and the bunting were flying and crowds lined the Middlesbrough streets
And the mayor and his band with their hats in their hand at the station the Duchess would meet
At the station they waited and waited but the Duchess she weren't on the train
Then somebody cried "She's at the dockside she's arrived on the Tees floating crane"

The procession it started at Ayrsome, past the park and museum as well
Passed Kirkham's fruit stall and the borough town hall and into the Baltic Hotel

Now the beer in the Baltic were heavy, the beer in the Baltic were strong
The Duchess went wild over a pint of brown mild and was singing The Match Factory song
The mayor he had twenty five bitters The Duchess she had twenty nine
Then she said "man I'm starved" so they downed one more half and went into St, Mary's to dine

The community kitchen was crowded There wasn't no room for no more
So the mayor and his group bought their black bread and soup and sat themselves down on the floor
The runner bean soup was delicious and the crab apple Melba a dream
The crust was well done to the very last crumb poured thick with evaporated cream

When they all walked out of the kitchen the crowd how it cheered and it yelled
The Duchess was first to go quench her thirst back into the Baltic Hotel
To the diesel the Duchess she staggered and when she had clambered aboard
The mayor he cried stop for he'd quite clean forgotten to mention the hospital ward.