G'day again,

I have sat down at typed the whole lot out - as performed by Jeremy Taylor on his 1979 Australian tour.

JOBSWORTH
Words (and Music?) by Jeremy Taylor

Now, I was just an ordinary English man,
Till I got me uniform, and hat,
And ever since that hour, I exercise me power,
Preventing you from doing this and that.
You'll find me on the turnstiles at the zoo,
Or outside the Roxy, marshalling the queue,
And if you turn up late, when I'm on the gate,
It's no good asking me to let you through... 'cause I'll just say:

CHORUS: Jobsworth, jobsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
I can keep you standing, for hours in the queue,
And if you don't like it, you know what you can do! (A...a...ah...ah)

When you're trying to see, what the butler saw,
I'm the one who says; "Come on, move on!",
And if you want to stay, you'll have to bleedin' pay,
And even then you can't stay long.
You may be almost dropping dead from thirst,
Or waiting for the toilet, fit to burst,
But I've got the key ... and you won't get that from me,
Until I've had me little grumble first!
Chorus:
Jobsworth, jobsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
I can keep you standing, for hours in the queue,
And if you don't like it, you know what you can do! (La, la, la, la, la, la, la la la la, la, la)

Spoken: (Yes, well, I died in the last war for people like you ... don't you forget it!)

Fishing in the river, on a summer's day,
I s'pose you think that water's all for free?
But, I've got news for you; everybody pays his due,
And right now it'll cost you 50p (plus VAT).
Don't think you can picnic on the grass,
Public amenity ... my ah ... foot,
And if you want fresh air, you'll find some over there,
But I don't feel inclined to let you pass ...without a backhander.

CHORUS: Jobsworth, jobsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
I can keep you standing, for hours in the queue,
And if you don't like it, you know what you can do!
(A...a...ah...ah...)

Mornin' Skipper, what can we do for you? (Recitative)
"Don't call me Skipper!" ... All right Chief, don't shout. (Recitative)
Whatever you require, we're very sorry, Squire,
But it's ten to one we just sold out.
'Course ... you could try that shop around the block ... (sniff),
But I doubt if he's got any left in stock,
And if you think we'll get 'em through, inside a month or two,
I'm afraid you're in for a nasty shock, ... Cock.

CHORUS: Jobsworth, jobsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
I can keep you standing, for hours in the queue,
And if you don't like it, you know what you can do!

When you get back home, you will heave a sigh,
And thank the Lord that you've got rid of me.
But it won't be very long before your telephone goes wrong,
And you need someone to fix your ... TV,
And add to that, your lights have all gone out, (Nya, nya)
And your central heating boiler's up the spout,
And when you're tearing your hair, and the wife's going spare,
You'll hear us in the distance calling out: (Two, three, four...)

CHORUS: Jobsworth, jobsworth; it's more than my job's worth.
I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want - the answer's no!
I can keep you standing, for ...years in the queue,
And if you don't like it, you know what you can do! (You can lump it!)

You know what ... you ... can ... do!
(Rump, duddie ah dah - rump dah - vroom)

SPOKEN: Of course, that is the spirit that won the last war. When Hitler said: "I'm coming to invade you", we said, "Sorry mate; we're closed!"

NOTE: Transcription includes asides (in brackets) that need not be part of any given performance

BRIEF GLOSSARY:
50p: Fifty (new) pence, half a pound, roughly one US dollar
VAT: Value Added Tax - a goods and services tax
Skipper: English vernacular form of address to one's presumed "Betters"
Chief: English vernacular form of address to one's presumed "Betters"
Squire: English vernacular form of address to one's presumed "Betters"
Cock: English vernacular form of address ... to any at all.

On my tape of Jeremy Taylor's 1979 concerts in Perth (mainly) and Adelaide are the following items:
Dr. Barnard's Driver (Story)
The Transplant Calypso
The Immorality Act
The Lift Girl's Lament
Ag Pleez Deddy
The Republic Day Calypso
All Along the South Coast (poem)
Love on the Sands
Lurv, California Style
Jobsworth
You Know! (poem)
Made in Holland
When You've Gone Out of Your Mind
Prawns in the Game
The Donkeys' Charter
The Winter Song
Pommy Bastards (Jeremy's paean to Australian appreciation of the English)
Irene Goodnight

The first half are from Jeremy's South African days and the second half (all bar the penultimate item) come from his English exile period. "Lurv, California Style" is a screamingly funny (over here) tale of acculturation and sex, but may lose some of its point among natives of the U. S. of A.

Enjoy:

Bob Bolton