Well, as I came home on Saturday night, as drunk as drunk can be
I saw a ting was in her hand where my old ting should be,
So I called my wife and I said to her - "Will you kindly tell to me, who owns that ting what's in your hand where my old ting should be?"
...........that's a lovely rolling pin my mother gave to me ...........but bollocks on a rolling pin I never saw before.

And as I came home on Sunday night a little before my time, I went up to the attic, my old shotgun for to find, "What game is this, what game is this", the frightened couple asked, "It's only my little shotgun" as I shot 'em up the arse,.......... but I've never seen two buggers run as fast as that before.

Growler (who sings/plays with me in Ruff 'n' Reddy) is the only person I've ever heard sing those two verses. I don't know if he wrote them or not. It sounds like the kind of thing he would have picked up from Pete HIcks.