Pardon my indulgence but on the subject of crap pubs, I think a little song is called for..

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT A REAL PUB

To the gentleman who posted this message! I heard someone, maybe even you, sing this song at a club in Oxford a few years back and have been rackin my brains more or less ever since trying to find or recreate the song. I owe you tremendous debt of gratitude and if you'll forgive I shall be singing this and Sharpe's this evening!