"
Then he read in the papers some scientist say
How yer hert can be helped wae twa asprins a day
And the very next moarnin the Herald declare't
Drinkin wine wae yer meal must be good for yer hert.

"Eureka !" cried Erchie "the method tae beat them all"
"Is a wee gless o' Eldo and two paracetamol"
But he thought since his hale life he's aye been teto"al
Wan gless widnae dae so he drank the hale boa"le.

Then oan wae his Reeboks doonsters he did flee
Right in front o' a bus number 44B
It knocked him six metres a terrible sight
But the autopsy showed his cholesterol wis right.

It wis some consolation tae his family physician
That he died with his hert in a perfect condition"