This seems to be an original song, not a parody. The lyrics and songwriting credit below were transcribed by me from a YouTube video made from a 45-rpm record.

I have included some patter from a different video at YouTube, taken from The Old American Barn Dance Show in 1953:


A SCREWBALL'S LOVE SONG
Written by Boudleaux Bryant
As recorded by Homer and Jethro (RCA Victor 5099)

SPOKEN (Homer): Well, thank you. Thank you a lot for your sympathy. We just know two songs an' we always sing one of 'em first, so we'd like to do the other'n right now. We're gonna do one here called "I Miss My Wife's Cookin'—Whenever I Can."

1: Achin' hearts an' breakin hearts
An' lonely sad forsaken hearts
Have made all love songs sound the same to me,
But such corny lines, my dear,
Won't be whispered in your ear
When I croon my brand-new love song tenderly:

CHORUS: Oh, my lungs are plumb collapsin' over you,
An' I'm a-gittin' me a stomach ulcer, too.
If you ever treat me mean,
It is sure to bust my spleen,
An' my blood veins would be miserable, too.
When you smile, it fills my tonsils full o' joy.
Please don't use my adenoids for just a toy.
I'm in love from A to Izzard,
So don't trifle with my gizzard,
'Cause I've gone and lost my liver, dear, to you.

SPOKEN (Homer): Ah, come in now, Jethro.

SPOKEN (Jethro): We call this second part of this song "Git Out o' the Barn, Gran'ma. You're Too Old to Be Horsin' Around."

2: I hear silent love calls
When I gaze into your eyeballs.
My eardrums beat for you alone, it's true.
I love the way you giggle,
An' can make your little ears wiggle,
And no one else pops bubble gum like you.

CHORUS 2: I've got chronic indigestion over you,
'Cause I'm wond'rin if your fickle liver's true.
If you ever go away,
I'll have hiccups ever' day,
And my lonely sad appendix will be blue.
When you clobber me with your two lips of fire,
I can feel my toenails curlin' with desire.
All the geese on my goose pimples
Honk and quack about your dimples.
Baby doll, with all my gizzard, I love you.