Kendall......We need to talk. Skiff asked that the Cheerleaders be returned unused and you indicated that you had already used them. Well, I fear we'll have to charge you as they returned to the Center today in a completely used-up and now unusable condition!

WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM???

I mean, upon inspection, they appear to be physically fine and in pristine condition......well, at least as pristine as an ex-cheerleader can be..........but their mental state is serious. BOTH are completely catatonic!!! My gawd Kendall, you can hardly tell them from Nancy Reagan! One of the attending staff got the only reactions we have seen out of them when he mentioned that perhaps we should bring you out to the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed to aid in their treatment. Both jumped up and ran screaming into the kitchen facilities and plunged their heads into an oven. It took our food service workers over an hour to free them! After that, both returned to the catatonic state and are now beginning long treatment in our west wing which houses the James Taylor Rehab Clinic for the Catatonically Bland.

You will be billed and I hope that in the future you will take the necessary precautions to stop the spread of OAB---Orally Administered Boredom.

Spaw