THE AUCTIONEER - Recorded by LeRoy Van Dyke
Written by LeRoy Van Dyke and Buddy Black

There was a boy in Arkansas
Who wouldn't listen to his ma
When she told him he should go to school.
He'd sneak away in the afternoon,
Take a little walk, and pretty soon
You'd find him at the local auction barn.

He'd stand and listen carefully,
Then pretty soon he began to see
How the auctioneer could talk so rapidly.
He said, "Oh, my, it's do or die.
I've got to learn that auction cry.
Gotta make my mark and be an auctioneer."

"Twenty-five dollar bid it now, thirty-dollar,
Will you gimmie thirty, make it thirty,
Bid it on a thirty dollar, will you gimmie thirty,
Who'll bid a thirty-dollar bid?
Thirty-dollar bid it now, thirty-five,
Will you gimmie thirty-five, to make it thirty-five,
To bid it a thirty-five,
Who woulda bid it at a thirty-five dollar bid?"

As time went on, he did his best,
And all could see he didn't jest.
He practiced calling bids both night and day.
His pap would find him behind the barn
Just working up an awful storm
As he tried to imitate the auctioneer.

Then his pap said, "Son, we just can't stand
To have a mediocre man
Sellin' things at auction using our good name.
I'll send you off to auction school.
Then you'll be nobody's fool.
You can take your place among the best."

"Thirty-five dollar bid it now, forty-dollar,
Will you gimmie forty, make it forty,
Bid it on a forty-dollar, will you gimmie forty?
Who'll bid a forty-dollar bid?
Forty-dollar bid it now, forty-five,
Will you gimmie forty-five, to make it forty-five,
To bid it a forty-five.
Who woulda bid it at a forty-five dollar bid?"

So from that boy who went to school,
There grew a man who played it cool,
And came back home a full-fledged auctioneer;
And the people came from miles around
Just to hear him make that rhythmic sound
That filled their hearts with such a happy cheer.

His fame spread out from shore to shore.
He had all he could do and more.
Had to buy a plane to get around.
Now he's the tops in all the land.
Let's pause and give that man a hand.
He's the best of all the auctioneers.

"Forty-five dollar bid it now, fifty-dollar,
Will you gimmie fifty, make it fifty,
Bid it on a fifty-dollar, will you gimmie fifty,
Who'll bid a fifty-dollar bid?
Fifty-dollar bid it now, fifty-five,
Will you gimmie fifty-five, to make it fifty-five,
To bid it a fifty-five.
Sold that horse for a fifty-five dollar bill!

"Hey, well, all right, sir, open the gate and let 'em out and walk 'em, boys.

"Here we come with lot number 29 in. What ya gonna give?