I think all stringed instruments should be immediately banned by the CDC, the FDA, WHO, PETA, HSUS, RSPCA, and all those other initialized agencies. There have been far too many cases recently of mandolin malaise, bass blood poisoning, guitar grippe, harp hernias, piano fortes, lute lues, and other, usually fatal, maladies. (I shan't even go into the banjo-related pandemics or the rampant loss of virginalities.)

Now brass instruments, such as trumpets (God's chosen instrument), or reeds, such as bassoons (God's chosen something), should be not only encouraged but actually subsidized by paying the players huge amounts of tax-free money of their resident country.