I love John's police reports and playing 'find the rhyme'. Not the only one from the above, but (stanzafied):
[Thursday, June 4, 3:58 a.m. — ]

On Heaton Street, folks yell and swear,
Some window glass is broken,
A blood trail leads to who knows where,
While neighbors are all woken.

Then there's the alliteration, the snark, the 'grieves full sore', and the rest.