Hi Mom! Ya know what I miss? Spotlights! The ones they used to rent out for grand openings of stores and car lots and such. Big humongous high-voltage zillion candle-power things that would shoot a beam clear up to the stratosphere. Remember them?

Remember going outside after dark and seeing the beams sweeping through the sky and then running back inside hollering, "Mom! Dad! Spotlight! Let's go find out where it's comin' from!"? Then everyone would pile into the car and drive toward what appeared to be the beam's origin point and, after making a few wrong turns, would eventually arrive at some Ford dealership or a new Western Auto store.

Whatever happened to 'em? Did the government decide they were an aviation hazard? Were they war surplus items that were made so obsolete by radar that they quit makin 'em? Did people just start getting so glued to their televisions that they quit going outside after dark? Did light pollution in big cities get so bad that you wouldn't be able to see a spotlight beam coming from a mile away? All of the above?