I just ate breakfast, so I think I'm probably alive. Or maybe not. I could be one of the undead, feasting upon sausage patties, quiche Lorraine, and a banana. Sort of a Bloody Marys only vampire or a pleasant sort of zombie. No, wait, I use a little salt so I can't be a zombie. Geez...you don't suppose...I...could be...a...a...library director do you? Oh, the horror...the horror!