[UK readers will know what an Old Git is. For the benefit of friends across the pond (and many apologies if I'm teaching US grannies to suck eggs here), an "Old Git" is a phrase sometimes used contemptuously, sometimes affectionately, for the older and occasionally more curmedgeonly of the male sex.]

Like many another before me, I frequent my local pub two or three times a week, at the witching and bewitching hour of 5pm, to have a drink and gossip with others of my ilk for an hour or so, in what is affectionately named "The Old Gits corner" of the bar. From time immemorial, Old Gits have gathered here to set the world to rights, to talk rubbish, to take the piss out of each other, to enjoy the refreshing qualities of beer and spirituous liquors, and to help the landlord on his way to an early and profitable retirement.

You may wonder what the duties and responsibilities and characteristics of being a member of the Old Gits corner are. Well...

Members are usually of those hovering around retirement age, i.e. who have attained it, or who see it firmly on the horizon. I myself reach that time in a just a few weeks and have been a member of the corner for 4-5 years now.

Occasionally, the Oldest and most Omnipotent Git of all - Age - transports one of our number to a slightly more remote Corner. But, having raised a glass in memory, we look round at the Younger Gits in other corners and see several promising prospects for the future.

Strangers who come into the pub for the first time may feel a little intimidated by seeing so many Old Gits clustered by the bar, some standing, some sitting. Our duty is to wave them to the bar with a smile, part like the Red Sea, and make some space so that they, too, can contribute their mite to the landlord's retirement fund.

The ladies (bless 'em!) who occasionally join the Old Gits circle are welcomed, treated with courtesy and creaking gallantry, but never patronised. We couldn't allow them to buy a round of course - perish the very thought...

In spite of being Old Gits, one of our duties, at those rare times when one of the members has a personal worry or heartache, is to temporarily forget that we're Old Gits and to offer a sympathetic ear, a comforting word, practical help (if we can), and to demonstrate that - just now and then - we can also be a caring and sharing sex.

Long live the Old Gits!