This is a blatant rip off of Jon Campbell's fine song "Frederick's of Galilee" which I collected in a foray to Sydney, Australia, one dark evening when I paid a visit to the great finger pier in Woolloomolloo Bay (copy and paste into WORD/TIMES/12 to line up chords):

Original words by Jon Campbell, © 2000
Frederick's of Galilee as recorded on Keep on Fishin'
Words adapted by Charlie Ipcar, 10/6/03
Tune: after Irish traditional Peggy Lettermore
Key: C (5/G)

Frederick's of Woolloomooloo


G-------------------------C----G-----------C---G--C----G---D
I was on the docks the other night, and eve-ry-thing was still;
-G----------------------------------------------------C--------G-D-G-D7
I dreamed I saw them Pyrmont girls, they was dressed up fit to kill;
G----------------------------C------G-----------C--G---C--G-D7
They wore Helly Hansen ca-mi-soles, and oil-skin lin-ge-rie,
-----------G-----------------------------------------C--------G--D7------G
Since ol' Frederick's of Woolloomooloo had decked 'em out that day.

Well, I loves a gal in wellies, and an old Bikini top,
But lately I've been wonderin' just where all this will stop;
For the girls all down on Wattle Street, they've puttin' on the dog,
Since ol' Frederick's of Woolloomooloo shipped out his catalog.


G-------D-----------------------------------G------------D7-G
And he sells a tiny vinyl teddy she can wear out on a date,
A--------------------------------------------------D-----E---------D
And if things don't work out good, she can use it stringin' bait;
------------G--------------------------------C-----G-C---G---D7
He's got ap-propriate apparel, weather calm or wea-ther rough!
------------G--------------C--G-------------C-----G---D7-----G
And if it's naughty and it's nautical, ol' Fred-dy's got the stuff.

As for fishnet stockings, they make sense I confess;
As long as they've been shook out good, they don't leave too much mess,
And if your Sheila's worried how the seams run straight behind,
Here's your chance to show 'er that you're pretty good with twine.

That Spandex down-filled body suit, where the fasteners won't rust,
Is sure to keep 'er warm at night, if the industry goes bust;
That silky gill-net wrap-a-round, with the floats to match 'er eyes,
Looks good with fur-trimmed hipboots with the flares around the thighs.

There's a full-uplift floatation vest in a lacy pastel hue,
And a peek-a-boo survival suit that will always see her through;
Give her that polypropylene garter belt, the PVC chemise,
For ol' Freddy has put the sleaze back on the Seven Seas.

(Instrumental break as above)

When it comes to underwire, underwater, underwear,
Just send a check to Freddy's, and get your gal a pair!

Here's a link to how I sing this song: click here for lyrics and MP3!

The original reference to "Fredrick's" has to do with a sexy catalog put out by Frederick's of Hollywood.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


Notes:

With muffled oars the small skiff makes its way out from the shadow of the great finger pier. In the predawn glow several figures slip silently over the side in their underwire, underwater, underwear from Frederick's of Woolloomooloo...