JONATHAN LIVINGSTON BUDGERIGAR
Bob Hudson

(Spoken)
Young people often ask me, "Bob," they say, (because I encourage familiarity in young people) "Bob, what's your philosophy of life?" and when young people ask me this question, I always answer in the form of a story, which I shall tell to you now.

This is the story of a young bird who lived in the great Australian Outback. His name was Jonathan Livingston Budgerigar. One day, when Jonathan Livingston Budgerigar was musing in his philosophical peregrinations (because his underpants were in the wash), he chanced, philosophically and in theory, at least, on an entirely new way of cracking open millet seed without removing the husk. This, thought young Jonathan Livingston Budgerigar, was an entirely wonderful and new flap-forward for budgerigardom! So, he went to the leader of the flock, who was an old Galah, and begged to be given the opportunity to try out this wondrous new method. The old Galah looked fair in Jonathan Livingston Budgerigar's eyes, and he said:

(Sung)
Jonathan Livingston Budgerigar,
Who the bloody hell do you think you are?
You're just a stupid-looking budgerigar,
And all this philosophy won't get you far!

(Spoken)
Jonathan was somewhat miffed at this, and he begged and pleaded to be given the opportunity to try out this wondrous new method of cracking open millet seed without removing the husk, and since this is an Australian story after all, the old Galah said: "We'll give him A FAIR GO!" So, they left young Jonathan Livingston Budgerigar on top of a tall gum tree in the great Australian outback, with a 4-lb. bag of Golden Cob Millet Seed. If, when the old Galah and the other birds returned in a week's time, the 4-lb bag of Golden Cob Millet Seed was untouched, the young Jonathan Livingston Budgerigar would have proved his point in being able to exist on a more spiritual plane!

So the flock flew away! They flew even further! (Musical flying noises)
One week later, the flock returned. (Musical flying noises reverso)

AND THERE WAS NO SIGN OF JONATHAN LIVINGSTON BUDGERIGAR!
Not only that, but untouched by the foot of the tall gum tree was the 4-lb. bag of Golden Cob Millet Seed, still sealed with the personal imprint of the old Galah, a secret little white mark that only he knew! "Stone the crows!" said the old Galah, in a spirit of friendly rivalry, "What if young Jonathan has actually zapped off into an entirely new time-and-space continuum?"

But no. This was not so, for suddenly, almost hidden by that bag of Golden Cob Millet Seed, they found the rotting, mouldering, corpse of Jonathan Livingston Budgerigar.

The silly little bugger had starved to death! The old Galah looked down at the remains of this... amateur Aristotle, and he said:

(Sung)
Jonathan Livingston Budgerigar,
Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha, Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha,
Told you your philosophy wouldn't get you far.
To get on in this world, you have to be... a Galah!


There you go, Andybard. I'm assuming that you know the both meanings of Galah.