So can we have a completely fucked up village fete muh more in line with Saturnalia or something please?

As long as we have one of the real ones too. With a crockery stall (for smashing), an unSplat-able Rat, a tombola stall laden with weird perfumes, weirder liqueurs and lurking in the middle an outdated jar of Marmite, and at least one stall where you can't work out exactly what you're supposed to do or what the prize is (if any), and the stallholder always seems to be deep in conversation with someone else when you go up so you never do find out. And a cake stall, a home made jam stall with smudgy handwritten labels, a White Elephant stall and a bookstall with books which have the aura of rare antiquarian discoveries when you buy them but lose it (like pebbles from the beach) when you get them home. And a tannoy run by someone who knows everyone, and knows all the in-jokes too. And a few of the local kids showing off their capoeira or Morris (fluffy) or country dancing (Irish) - and all the other kids running wild and then running wilder than that, as if they've never had the chance to play chase in a big field ever before in their lives.

That would do me.

That'll do me.