Copied from Mike Sparks' web site (see link above):


REACH FOR THE GIN
(Mike Sparks)

CHORUS: Reach for the gin! The water's pouring in.
Reach for the lifebelt! It's sink or swim.
Call for the coastguard! I think it's getting worse.
The ocean to a sailorman is nothing but a curse.

1. I went to the boat show. Now you really should have come.
Walking round the cruisers there, I thought I heard Drake's drum.
I heard wind in the rigging and calls of shanty men.
I went and got me cheque-book out and bought one there and then.

2. I signed up at the yacht club and got it safely moored.
The Commodore he hailed me and asked to come aboard.
He spoke of a regatta, whatever that might be,
And he seemed to think I'd want to take my vessel out to sea.

3. I said that going sailing wasn't anything I'd planned.
I hadn't got instructions and no books of maps to hand.
I didn't know port from starboard and I couldn't tell east from west.
He seemed to think this made me somewhat better than the rest.

4. I hoisted up my sails and I headed out to sea.
The watchers on the pier head were all waving vigorously,
And I was smiling at them as we hit that fishing smack,
And they were still there waving as the lifeboat towed us back.

5. I'll go no more a-sailing, of that you can be sure.
I'll just stay here safely tied up by the clubhouse door,
Waving at the others sailing out and sailing in,
Sitting on my quarter-deck a-drinking of the gin.

© 1999 Mike Sparks

This song appears on the CD 'Going Round Again'