"Some last longer than others, but it's getting to be longer between times of real happiness and they don't last as long. Mostly they feel like reminders of what I can't have. These days, the times feel like crumbs, little pieces of what fell off somebody else's cake. A hug here, a few words, a song, a sunny day and a vague memory that there used to be somebody I could share this stuff with. Too much looking backward, I think. Then again, maybe this is how a life winds down. I don't know. I never grew this old before."

Oh dear! I was there for awhile though I did not realize it as well as you do. But now, I know why I am still here; still giving and receiving great pleasure and happiness; As happy as I have ever been in my life. Giving, sharing, receiving, loving, living each day to the utmost. Just around the next turn of the road, something new and interesting; dear long time friends; dear new friends; so many special people, so much good music and wonderful musicians. Life is full of joy, peace, calm, happiness. It has been a long intricate journey to this place. I gave myself much sorrow and experienced much joy and happiness. Now I can choose (usually) to let go of the pain and flourish in the joy, at last believing that I am appreciated &/or loved by many people. It is the believing that is difficult, yes?