12.10pm - Billy takes a rabbit pie round to Noel who is particular impressed by the decoration on the crust.

That should of course be Nigel who gets the pie. So who's Noel? Nigel's late father - Noel Dorchester, a very worthy man who frequently turns in his grave at the antics of his grandson Neil and his FM-dancing girlfriend Kylie, especially as Kylie is the love-child of Noel's affair with Annie... Oh dear! Will Annie tell Neil that his girlfriend is, in fact, his aunt? Or will she just keep slipping condoms into Neil's coat pocket when he hangs it up in the hall against her better judgement? After all, Neil is only 13, though at 15, Kylie is a good deal more worldly. Let's hope the poaching, FM-dancing and vandalism keep them happy...

It's a very fine pie anyway - decorated with cut-out pastry patterns of sun, moon, trees and bunnies, brushed o-er with egg white to give a nice folksy glaze. Whilst Nigel doesn't let his Muscular-Dystrophy get in the way of a normal life (his passion for the more obscure end early 70's folk rock notwithstanding) he does enjoy the sympathy it engenders in otherwise curmudgeonly old bastards like Billy and Mary, who had a son of their own once...