Oh, what a song challenge this is!

I was laying in my hammock
The sea was soft as silk
With gentle billows rocking me
Enjoying a glass of milk
When the first mate cried
"All hands on deck!
We've got problems -- outa bed!
For something's gotten screwed up bad
And blowed up the Captain's head!"

Well the deck was awash with lots of...stuff
And we'd just holystoned that bit
For Sloshing around at gunnel height
Was gallons and gallons of shit.
"Send for Charley!" cried the foretopman
"For he's been this way before
And they're ain't no body can shovel shit
Like Charley -- or so says the lore."

(I gotta go to work, so someone else can finish it.)