Oy, yes, diarrhea'd thrones. A FAVORITE "spare-time" task of clergy spouses. Can't tell you how may times I've encountered THAT when our church building's been opened for some other non-worship public use! One can't quite leave it for the part-time custodial guy!
A condom as a hymnal bookmark, now, I have not seen. Yet. I'll ask Hardi though! He doesn't always tell me what HE finds, because it's such a frequent occurrence that SOME weird thing turns up!