The Latest Decalogue

Arthur Hugh Clough (1819-1861)

Thou shalt have one God only; who
Would be at the expense of two?

No graven images may be
Worshipped, except the currency;

Swear not at all; for, for thy curse,
Thine enemy is none the worse;

At church on Sunday to attend
Will serve to keep the world thy friend:

Honor thy parents; that is, all
From whom advancement may befall.

Thou shalt not kill; but needst not strive
Officiously to keep alive:

Do not adultery commit,
Advantage rarely comes of it;

Thou shalt not steal; an empty feat,
When it's so lucrative to cheat;

Bear not false witness; let the lie
Have time on its own wings to fly;

Thou shalt not covet; but tradition
Approves all forms of competition.

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Decalogue

Ambrose Bierce, in The Devil's Dictionary

Thou shalt no God but me adore:
'Twere too expensive to have more.

No images nor idols make
For Robert Ingersoll to break.

Take not God's name in vain: select
A time when it will have effect.

Work not on Sabbath days at all,
But go to see the teams play ball.

Honor thy parents. That creates
For life insurance lower rates.

Kill not, abet not those who kill;
Thou shalt not pay thy butcher's bill.

Kiss not thy neighbor's wife, unless
Thine own thy neighbor doth caress.

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete
Successfully in business. Cheat.

Bear not false witness--that is low--
But "hear 'tis rumored so and so."

Covet thou naught that thou hast not
By hook or crook, or somehow, got.