Give up gracefully gnu, you have NO CHANCE, I was a stalwart non-pet keeper, for a lot of my working life I had responsibility for a range of animals at work and the rules of their care were dictated by the Home Office(an Government dept, here in the UK) with very strict guidelines, because of this I did NOT have pets, as I could not hope to maintain the standards I would expect. Some years ago I was introduced to a small fur-ball of medium long haired tortoise shell kitten, who now lives in my home and has done so for 5 years and whom I would not be without!!! called Morgana the Flatulent(mostly known as Little Wugsie)