"Goal - I say again David James can still cut it."

He might be able to cut it in the boot-room, cleaning the other players' boots, but Calamity-James is just about the worst England goalkeeper I can remember (and my memory goes back a long way!).

He's unreliable, accident-prone, very seriously lacks concentration and spends most of his time shouting and swearing at his defenders, trying to blame them for the balls-ups he makes.

If England played against a team of dustbins, ole Calamity would let at least one in. I heard that after his last balls-up in an England match, he tried to commit suicide by throwing himself in front of a bus, but it passed underneath him.

There must be someone better than Calamity.