On a brighter note - by Dorothy Parker:

Resume

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And the drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live,.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

I like Ms. Parker ...

however....for the Grandest of Exits....I like Hamlet.