Oh heavens!

Come ON, people, lighten UP!

Look, home education is really simple! It's so simple that you'd not believe it.

My daughter spent 10 years, (got that?) TEN YEARS in this wonderful system that so many of you idolise. During that time, I watched a gifted and beautiful child literally switch off. She was terrified of getting on the wrong side of teachers, not doing her homework, being late etc. She sat in hot classrooms where windows weren't allowed to be open fully, in case little junior threw himself out...and where the kids had to ask *permission* from the teachers to remove their blazers before they expired over their desks!

Sod that for a game of control! Yeesh!

WHY do people seem to think that school should, for the most part, so often be shitty? Why do people think that their children should have to endure what they did, because it's 'normal'?

It's anything BUT normal!

NEVER, EVER EVER for the rest of your lives will you spend you entire working day in the company of other people who are ALL exactly the same age! Never.

We take our kids OUT of society, where they've been quite happy since birth (or once were, before the Conveyor Belt of Life shoved them into 'Pre School Learning Alliances')....In that society they saw people of all ages, smooth, wrinkled, tall, short...grannys, grandpa's, aunts, uncles, children of friends, older friends, older/younger cousins....and what do we do?

We shove them into a place where everyone's the same age. We make them wear ridiculous uniforms, of ties and hot shirts, despite global warming..and..just to show them how REALLY intelligent the teachers are, we make them wear...BLAZERS too! So much for the science there, then.....

But, we make them do this because...WE had to do this...and because WE had to do this, and our parents before us, it must be RIGHT!

It ain't.

It's crap.

But, people are only now starting to wake up to it.

Fast forward....

You're at a job interview..and on that table is this:

"OK, Butternose, we'll employ you, but these are our conditions, our 'charter' if you like, and without you adhering to these, you won't get the job, got it? Good. Here they are.

You will be polite to your boss at all times, even when he humiliates you in front of your colleagues.

You will never answer back, not even if he is a nasty little bully whom Hitler would have had as his second in command.

You must wear our uniform at ALL times, and if you want to remove any part of it, no matter if it's 170 in the shade, you must ask OUR permission, and...we have the right to decline your request, whereas you have no rights at all.

You must work hard all day long, apart from short breaks during morning and afternoon and a lunch hour. During this time, should your colleagues beat the shit out of you, threaten you or sexually abuse you, we will not be interested, or....we will show the minimum amount of interest, just what we have to do 'legally' because, hey, ALL jobs are like this and you have to learn to deal with that one!

You can only have your holiday at certain times of the year. You will be taken to court if you try to take it at other times of the year. We are not interested if you cannot afford to take it during the weeks we designate, nor if you cannot move on the beach, once you get there, because all the other workplaces are also on holiday. Tough shit, baby.

You must attend work early to have your breakfast here, your tea here and do you afterwork work here, so that we KNOW you are doing it. The afterwork work will be given every single night, and we expect it to be returned at the correct time. If you do not do this, you will be punished, either by having no breakk time at all (hey, that's a good deal, because at least you won't get the arse kicked out of you) or..you can stay behind after work in detention, writing out "I must finish my Afterwork Work on time, at ALL times!"

If you are caught talking to your colleagues when you are supposed to be working, you will be punished.

If you wriggle on your chair, you will be punished.

If you laugh during work time, you will be punished.

If you dare to take your jacket off, without our *permission* you will be punished.

You will be tested on a VERY regular basis. In fact, we may test you so much that you may think you've gone mad, but...we accept no excuses. Tests are tests and humans are designed to have them. We know this because we've paid a very expensive Think Tank to tell us.

At the end of each working year, you will be not only tested, but....examined! If you do not pass the correct amount of exams, with the correct grades, you will be......punished.

We do all of these things to ensure that our workforce turns out well-adjusted spirits, who love coming to their workplace and we hope you appreciate that fact.

Oh...and just one last thing, we will not be paying you for any of this at all.

If you try to work from home, we will stop you. This is because we know that anyone who works from home is abused or...an abuser. Also, they think 'outside the box' which is extremely dangerous when we want you to live in Tickytackyboxland.

What's that junior? Pete Seeger wrote a song about that? This is what we mean! We don't want anyone knowing facts like THAT!

We want our workforce to not question, just DO. That's what builds a country. Never forget that you are Human Resources. If anyone tells you that you are a free person, you must ignore them, because you are no longer free, other than at work, of course, so long as you stick to The Rules.

Punishment is incredibly easy to avoid. You simply have to learn to do as we tell you and your lives will chug along easily, until you die.

Now, be a good prole...and sign The Contract just here:

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