There was once a young fellow named Grant
Who was built like a sensitive plant.
    When asked, "Do you fuck?"
    He replied, "No such luck!
I would if I could, but I can't."

There was once a young fellow named Fisk,
At fucking exceedingly brisk.
    So rapid his action,
    Fitzgerald contraction
Shrunk his dingdong darn down to a disk.

The partition of Vavasour Scowles
Was a sickener: they came on his bowels
    In a firkin; his brain
    Was found clogging a drain,
And his toes were wrapped up in some towels. -- Edward Gorey

Some Harvard men, stalwart and hairy,
Drank up several bottles of sherry;
    In the Yard around three
    They were shaking with glee:
'Come on out, we are burning a fairy!' -- Edward Gorey

The first child of a Mrs Keats-Shelley
Came to light with its face in its belly;
    Her second was born
    With a hump and a horn,
And her third was as faceless as jelly. -- Edward Gorey

Un moine au milieu de la messe
S'eleva et cria en detresse:
    'La vie religieuse,
    C'est sale et affreuse'
Et se poignarda dans le fesses. -- Edward Gorey

To his clubfooted child said Lord Stipple,
As he poured his post-prandial tibble,
    'Your mother's behaviour
    Gave pain to Our Saviour,
And that's why He made you a cripple.' -- Edward Gorey

An incautious young woman named Venn
Was seen with the wrong sort of men;
    She vanished one day,
    But the following May
Her legs were retrieved from a fen. -- Edward Gorey

From Number Nine, Penwiper Mews,
There is really abominable news:
    They've discovered a head
    In the box for the bread,
But nobody seems to know whose. -- Edward Gorey