Lizzie I read your description of the situatioin, and your rant, and I want to thank you for the effort. I think it brings to the fore the different expectations we bring to a simple, basic issue. Not all of us are going to have the fortune to live to your ex M.I.L's age, but the majority of us will experience issues of requiring assistance from a bureacracy to meet needs we can't meet on our own.

I had similar reactions to the other Americans, that the lady in question deserved a bath, but the seat would seem to be a safer way to go and it is a relatively minor purchase. I have health insurance at my new job but it would be below my deductible unless it was a prescribed item.

You have a different background and experience, and you got crosswise with the deliverer of bad news. One aspect of the situation that would frost me is to have someone spend a lot of time with me, get a lot of details, and then give me the information that they won't help, they can't help, they came to the door with the expectation that they wouldn't help no matter what I told them.

With the age of the person, the self respect that comes with being able to look after oneself, I would follow the line that you solve the immediate problem because it will make life better, just as the hearing aides did (Did those get fully funded by NHS?). I would count my blessings and my friends, and maybe even make peace if not apologize to someone who at least took the trouble to pay you a house call and speak to the issues.

Thank you for writing as you did, all the best....