This is the words, title and attribution that I have:

JUST KIDDING

There's Lego in the toaster and there's Lego down the loo
And look before you swallow cos there's Lego in the stew.
Don't tell the little builders what you'd really like to do.
Just remember they're only kids.

And isn't it exciting when the words begin to come?
You teach them "dada" and you teach them "mum"
And then you try to shut 'em up when they discover "bum".
Just remember they're only kids.

At night they look so cosy, those infant Mafiosi,
But bolt the bedroom door, I'm telling you,
Cos when you get romantic there's a sound that drives you frantic
And it's "Hello, Mum and Daddy. Can I play horsey too?"

And it's "Mummy, we've been helping. Mummy, why have you gone pale?
Look what's in your handbag. We've been catching snails,
And we've nearly fixed the telly but we've just run out of nails.
Mum, remember we're only kids!"

Granddad's in the bathroom and the air is turning blue.
The kids have filled the keyhole with a tube of Superglue
And he didn't spot the Clingfilm they stretched across the loo.
Just remember they're only kids.

    And then your little lad all innocent says "Dad,
    Can ten-year-olds get in the family way?"
    You smile and say "not yet", then your legs turn sort of wet
    When you hear him tell the girl next door "I said we'd be OK."

The magazines they read are on the purple side of blue.
They know where babies come from and they know what stops them too,
And with Action Man and Cindy they'll show you a trick or two.
Just remember they're only kids.

Now the years have passed and all your little birds have flown.
You're off the tranquilizers and it's home sweet home,
And then they come and visit you with children of their own.
Just remember they're only kids.


By Miles Wootton and Fred Wedlock. As sung by Fred Wedlock on Rocket LP TRAIN 19 "Fred Wedlock Live"