Dateline Oct.(,2009 Ames Iowa) LCROSS Impact drives Moon into new North-South Orbit.Scientists say,"Whoops, my bad". Tidal changes, stress fractures on Earth surface proected to wipe out life on planet from tectonic activity, mega-storms, mega-floods,mega-famines, mega-insects, and mega-chickens.

Ames Research Center spokesman, Dr. Aldo Biggworduser, apologized for the lack of pretty pictures that various media outlets had expected but suggested the problem is scientifically interesting in that even unexpected results can be informative and could result in important funding until, "You know, we all die, and stuff. On the other hand it does kinda put that whole "we're going to be hit by a metoer in 2039 thing into perspective." He then went on to rob a local bank while naked, rape his Weber barbaque, and drive his car into a cornfield at high speed.

A representative of the Worldwide Tick and Cockroach Union commented during its weekly guest spot on Fox News that "We sorta expected this whole 'death to humans' thing would involve a lot more radiation, but we'll take what we can get." Noted author and commentator Sean Hannity went farther in proclaiming the 14 year program's unexpected cullmination as,"Yet another example of the failed Obama Administration socialist-antiAmerican-wrong-thinking-my sweet-little-old-grandmother-killing-guntaking-away-tradition-hating-stupid-stupidhead-Liberal-stupidhead stupids doing..." then began crying, frothing at the mouth, wrapped himself in an enormous American flag and rushed around the studio biting camera equipment. Regular viwers recognized this as his normal closing remarks.
NASA is expected to manufacture videos shortly showing that the Centaur booster casing actually riccochayed, ah, rckichayed...dammit, riccyshayed, ...bounced off an old Soviet spy satellite, which gave it the unexpected velocity that is going to kill us all.
Oh, wait, this stuff didn't happen. Nevermind.