What if the renter is a vampire and needs it only during the day? Can it be had for half off in that case? And who is responsible for hauling it up at the end of the month if the rent isn't paid? No, there are too many questions.

Instead, my VERY OWN brother has a better deal all the way around. He will provide a luxurious, high deluxe, nonpareil coffin for your funeral for the low, low price of only USD 35.00! That's right! Only thirty-five US dollars. He will even allow, nay, even encourage, you to be laid therein with your cherished bagpipes or banjo! You'll lay in unparalleled comfort all the way to the cemetery. And when the ceremony there is done, the bottom will be slid away and you'll be gently lowered into your eternal resting place, knowing that the next person to rest in the coffin you loved could be your loved one. Should you wish, you could even rent it for a closed-coffin ceremony and put inside whoever you wish!!!

Reserve your next use NOW and we'll provide your remains with a pair of genuine asbestos socks (just as we do for all banjo or bagpipe players).

There's no better deal in the coffin-rental business than this one. Act today to insure a pleasant tomorrow!