In honor of the Day Of The Dead, My Very Own Brother's Coffin will include, free of charge, a bouquet of gaily colored balloons to brighten the gloom to anyone signing up today. AND he will provide, just this once, a special low price on EITHER a high school marching band complete with majorettes OR a barbecue at the gravesite for up to 50 mourners (beer included).

So hurry -- this offer ends at midnight tonight, your time zone.