It was the Gnome from Ironbark who struck the Sydney town,
He bought some fancy loafers for a wandering up and down.
He bought some Gnome Foam Face Cream from the latest fancy shop
and then at last in vanity he sought a barber's shop.
"Ere! shave my beard and whiskers off, I'll be a metro gnome,
I'll go give the girls a thrill in Ironbark, back home.'

The barber gnome was tall and cute, as barbers mostly are,
He wore a spiky hairdo and he drove a flashy car
He was a smart arse, as they say, and keen at repartee,
He kept his shop in Oxford St, wherever that may be,
And when he saw the Gnome arrive, he whispered 'Here's some fun!
This goblin needs a makeover, this gnome will be redone.'

There were some metrosexuals sat along the barber's wall,
Their eyes were clear, their haircuts sharp, well muscled one and all;
To them the barber passed the wink, his dexter eyelid shut,
'I'll make this bloomin' yokel think his bloomin' throat is cut.'
And as he soaped and rubbed it in he made a rude remark:
'I s'pose the farms are pretty dry up there in Ironbark.'

A grunt was all reply he got; he shaved the bushman's chin,
A fancy electronic thing, he plugged the razor in.
He raised his hand, his brow grew black, he paused awhile to gloat,
Then slammed the buzzing razor blades across his victim's throat;
Like one enormous chain saw it burnt a livid mark —
The number one fair skinned him raw — the Gnome from Ironbark.

He fetched a wild up-country yell might wake the dead to hear,
And though his throat, he knew full well, was cut from ear to ear,
He struggled gamely to his feet, and faced the murd'rous foe:
'You've done for me! you dog, I'm beat! one hit before I go!
I only wish I had a knife, you blessed murdering shark!
But you'll remember all your life, the Gnome from Ironbark.'

He lifted up his hairy paw, with one tremendous clout
He landed on the barber's jaw, and knocked the barber out.
He set to work with tooth and nail, he made the place a wreck;
He grabbed the nearest poncy youth, and tried to break his neck.
And all the while his throat he held to save his vital spark,
And 'Murder! Bloody Murder!' yelled the Gnome from Ironbark.

A man in Nikes who heard the din came in to see the show;
He tried to run the bush gnome in, but he refused to go.