The day I well remember when Columbus landed here
Me and forty Red Men were right there at the pier.
He asked my why my Indians wore feathers in their hair
"Why that's to keep their trousers up and this I do declare."

'Twas I who built the Rockies up and placed them where they are
Sold whiskey to the Indians from behind my little bar.
'Twas I who built Niagara Falls and first discovered beer
And that was many years before Columbus landed here.

He asked me where he had to go to catch that China train.
It was clear the poor old coot had China on the brain.
I said no train for China, leaves from here today
but you'll find my Chinese laundry men not half a block away

'Twas I who...

He noticed among my Indians that some had skins quite fair
and asked if any white man had been before somewhere.
I told him "you must realize I've been here quite some time
and since they cannot be yours, they no doubt are mine."

'Twas I who...