I used to avoid funerals. I never knew what to say, and I was afraid I'd say something wrong. I went out of social obligation, and made sure to leave right after the service was over. My grandmother, the best friend I ever had in my life, died in 1982, when I was 34 years old. Not only did I have to attend the funeral and reception - I had to speak at the wake. Now, my grandmother was a very funny and joyful woman, and it's impossible to speak about her without being funny and joyful. Somehow, she was always able to face the difficulties of life and of getting old with a sense of humor, so it seemed only right to speak of those difficulties with humor. So I got through my speech and people liked it, and I found that the laughter about my lovely, crazy grandmother helped ease the pain of losing her. And I lost my fear of funerals.

After that, I made a point of attending the funeral of every dead person I knew, and doing my best to make sure there was music at the funeral. I found that I really enjoyed them and that they were often filled with joy and laughter, along with the tears. I often found that the people closest to the deceased, were the ones most likely to appreciate humor and laughter at a funeral.

Even laughter at the dead person's faults is often welcome. The funeral of a son of a bitch can be a very difficult thing. Outsiders may have had problems with the deceased, but the family may have found living with the bastard to be living hell. A little laughter can help put things in perspective, and can help people cope with the negative aspects of all that they're dealing with.

But the main thing is, that the people closest to suffering and death, are the most likely to welcome humor. People who are suffering or grieving, rarely are offended by a good-hearted attempt at humor. They know that people don't know what to say or do, and they're able to accept that.

So don't be too quick to judge humor harshly. It's often a very healthy, honest thing.

-Joe-

(and I think Anne Frank would have liked the drum joke)