Dr. Christiane Northrup has written extensively about this, and has a book that I picked up recently on the Wisdom of Menopause, or something like that. She looks at lots of alternative to many aspects of this conversation.

I experienced the rapid surgical menopause after a hysterectomy for cancer surgery. My doctor said it was too soon for menopause, based upon my mom's history, so I took a compounded HRT for several years. Insurance company messed that up and after two years of a too-strong pill form, I dropped it. The combination of testosterone and estrogen is meant to encourage the interest in sex and help with the lubrication issues. I've dropped the testosterone because it seems the FDA didn't approve this use. But you can get compounds to suit your needs, and you can work out your own recipe with your doctor (see the Northrup books, she discussed compounding medications in the appendix usually).

Our logged-out Mudcatter said there was a family history and a hormone replacement contraindication, so this might not be a good solution for her. If it is an estrogen issue, then if you were to get a topical methyl-testosterone cream, it will stay testosterone. The problem with a compound including a bio-identical testosterone is that your body can convert that to estrogen. If you use methyl-t, keep it to a very low dose, similar to what you would produce yourself. There are some side effects for women who use too much of it. One pharmacist I spoke with said women have complained when the amount was over 2.5 milligram, but I found even half of that too high (weight gain). I found .5 to .8 was sufficient to have a beneficial effect.

I would hesitate to use any oily lubricant, especially if you have any problems with yeast-type infections. Also, condoms shouldn't be used with some of the oily materials (vaseline, for starters). You should practice safe sex even after menopause, until a relationship is well-enough established to be assured you'll be safe without.

If you stick with water soluble lube then your own body's natural cleansing is able to more easily clean it out. Getting into a habit of douching to remove oily material isn't that good for you, and if it stays in place, the oil can hold in flora and let some of the resident not-so-good ones bloom.

There is a very open and upfront store called Good Vibrations that has a lot of products to choose from. Even if you don't order online, it is a place to compare products and they offer a lot of customer and employee ratings for comparison.