I'd like to volunteer for entourage duty. I can be your bodyguard, carry your canine accessory if you want to go the Paris Hilton route, (no big yellow dogs), and ignore messages from your managers (not the ones you're not married to--I'm not pissing THEM off!).

(There's a song waiting to be written, but I think it's Loudon Wainwright III or Eminem's job)