Dear Abbie, Dear Abbie, I'm so big and fat
I'm the heaviest person in Medicine Hat
No chair in existence will carry my weight
When I go on vacation, I travel by freight
Signed.....Lardbucket

Lardbucket, Lardbucket, Give Abbie a break
Try eating less junk food, try eating less cake
Try working that butt off, and if that doesn't do
When the elephant's sick, get a job at the zoo!
Signed....Dear Abby