Dear Abby, Dear Abby, I'm violent and crude.
I like blowing up commies and I'm known to be rude.
Most people avoid me, they think I'm a jerk.
Now that Russia's our ally I'm fresh out of work!
Signed "Rambunctious"

Rambunctious, Rambunctious, now listen up good.
Don't ever play guns around my neighborhood!
Try filling your pool up with gators and sharks,
And go for a dip in it just after dark.
Signed "Dear Abby"