Barry, It is hard to give constructive criticism without a frame of reference--that is, what you want to do with it.

I don't know the tune you are using so let me just say the lyrics are very powerful and moving. It is good the way you have taken the point of view of the child. Very little literature about the subject does that; but, of course that is part of the point you are making. I think you have created something significant with the words, anyway.

Murray